I am a little late to the game here friends. Story of my life. haha
I have recently had my inbox and feeds bombarded with the #onelittleword posts and I first I skimmed over, not really caring. But then curiosity got the best out of me on instagram and I fell in love.
First I want to give a BIG ‘ol shoutout to BeadSoul on Etsy for this beautiful little reminder. Her work is amazing and I received it lightning fast. Like seriously… scary fast.
Okay, I’m pre-warning you, this is going to be longwinded. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
It didn’t take me much consideration once I understood the concept behind #onelittleword to decide on my word for 2014. That’s basically it, you choose a word to live by/up to for the year and then run out and buy something to remind you, or maybe that’s just what I did.
My life has been a roller coaster these past 5 years. I let a mystery illness (still undiagnosed, but I’m over it at this point) get the best of me. I let the fear of what was going on with my body control my life. You see I started feinting back in 2007, unexplainably. Syncope was the name we gave it, and POTS and a few other tossed in just for fun. Basically I would completely black out at random. Scary stuff. I got pretty banged up a few times but nothing serious.
Then when my oldest son was 3 months old I feinted while holding him. And my world shattered. He was fine, just shook up and a minor scratch on his leg. I was terrified of everything. And I let that fear of the possibility of it happening again cripple me.
I wouldn’t take him for walks anymore alone. I would only lie down or sit with him bouncing to simulate walking. I never drove. I became a shut in.
And that carried over into my second pregnancy as well. And somewhat into my third.
Add to the equation that living as a Coast Guard wife and being away from everyone that I know makes it incredible easy to just shut the world out I actually got to the point were I felt that I was less of a person. I held my husband up to a higher standard than myself and put a lot of unnecessary stress on him because of my fears and doubt.
And that just can’t happen any more.
I want to raise strong, confident boys who see their mother as an example to strive for, not what to do better than. I want to show my boys what a healthy and balanced marriage looks like.
I have gotten better. I have forced myself to do many things that I would normally say no to just out of discomfort. I have not feinted since being pregnant with my third son. Which means I have gone over a year without any instances. It’s not to say I’m symptom free, I just know my limits and my signs and do not need to be held captive by these things anymore. I’m not a victim, my body is just confused. Aren’t we all.. :P
SO! This year I will CONQUER! I will burst out of my comfort zone. I will say yes to everything that makes me uncomfortable and puts me out there. I will just jump in feet first and stop being afraid of failure or success. And most importantly I will STOP making excuses, I will conquer my excuses, either peacefully or by force.